From the Inside Out

2010-09-21T22:30:00.000-07:00

i don't fucking care. if you all fucking think. that i faked it. fuck off. you don't know my life. ignorance just rules your brain. fine, this is truth, i faked it, so that i wouldn't have to do the talk. are you happy? are you fucking satisfied now? that's the bloody truth. if you want it to be.
but it's not the truth. but being you, you'll believe it. and since you already belived the lie, i'm not gonna bother telling you what really happened.
are you pissed because something unbelivable-to-most happened to me? i used to bitch about someone, because i knew her inside out, so i had the right to state facts, unlike you who serve stories fresh from your dirty brew. but now you made me realise, that the person i bitched about all along, wasn't all that bad.
all i know is that you're an innocent little short girl, that everyone considers as cute, and you backstab others, and you don't even feel bad about it. in fact, you'll just keep gossiping about what's not true, and just cos it's not you, you'll bitch about people who never even harmed you. i love your personality, you're my idol, and i love that you bitch behind my back. xoxo.

2010-09-01T13:56:00.000-07:00

no no noooo....
not again.
at least give him the jab, that's heartless already
why make him die slowly, throbbing and painfully,
i've suffered heartache once, if this is gonna happen to all my pets, i'm just gonna get a mental stroke.
God, why does this have to happen...now. WHY...

2010-08-25T05:29:00.000-07:00

This is the first time i've ever felt so devastated over not getting a new technology item thing.

i've never wanted more. but this time, i'm not satisfied with my iphone 3. and then people who hear would scorn and say, wth?! you have an iphone 3 and you're not satisfied?

okay, it's not like i can do anything about it. but who the hell wants a phone with no paid apps, cos my father doesn't want me to repurchase things. and my itunes screwed up my iphone so now none of the bloody paid apps work and i'm living off almost nothing. I hate my phone so much i'm willing to trade it for someone with a nokia or sony ericsson or whatever that can at least get signal in class and can sms! i can't sms in class cos my shitass phone can't get signal

and what's the point of giving me unlimited when i'm stuck with a dammit phone that can't sms at the times i need to sms most. THERE'S A SHIT LOT I CAN'T DO WITH MY CURRENT PHONE!

so last week, my father told me he'd be helping me get a new plan, cos my current plan gives me 300 free smses and i never manage to stay within the limit. with the new iflexi plan, i'll get unlimited sms, just what i need, but most of all, it requires me to get a new iphone. he said, since that, he'd be getting an iphone 4 for me. awesome, the new iphone 4 just came out too. i don't really care which iphone it is, but as long as it's a new phone WITH HELL SIGNAL, i don't mind at all.

TODAY'S THE BIG DAY. dingdong 'excuse me sir? you ordered this iphone 4?'

just when i thought i could finally get back doodlejump, diner dash, plants vs zombies, and most of all, all my taptaps and finally get to start playing after no practice for like 8 months, PLUS getting to sms in class, getting to take pictures of stuff immediately and not have to wait a freaking 30 secs for my stupid camera to load till the thing i want to take a picture of has disappeared, in addition to people being able to hear me on the phone instead of now when all that comes out are jerky sounds that no one can make out, JUST when i was thinking of all this, waiting for this grand day, having a source of inspiration some how,

'They provided an adapter for the new microcard they issued you. So you can still use your same phone!' - dad squeals excitedly.

maybe you don't get it. but all that excitement, all that adrenaline rush, it vanished even faster than you could imagine, and it all happened so suddenly i found myself sobbing in my room.

i can imagine you saying: what a bitch, crying over an iphone. i might as well consider myself lucky for having one.

i don't care if you understand a word i've said. right now, i'm at a loss...there's nothing much i can do with my phone (except play free apps?! which aren't even fun!!) while i'm in school. can you picture yourself, it's like having your phone confiscated and only returned to you when you leave school after 3pm if you're lucky. on other days, like cca, it's just 6pm when you finally receive a form of signal.

MY FATHER'S GONNA USE THE IPHONE FOUR, OKAY?! AND I THINK HE NEVER INTENDED TO GIVE IT TO ME IN THE FIRST PLACE

SO WHY BUILD ME UP AND BREAK ME DOWN?! HE SHOULD NEVER HAVE MENTIONED THE FACT THAT I'D BE GETTING A NEW BLOODY PHONE. FUCK

2010-08-21T09:48:00.000-07:00

cliche stuff it seems, but it's really unfair..
sometimes some people are provided with stuff that
while others try searching for the same stuff, and keep failing.

used to feel we were actual besties, but now we seem so close yet so far.
physical distance really makes it hard. sigh, and the longer it gets, the more distance accumulates. to top that, there're even stuff like sugar cubes and candy canes along the way, which make you want to stop and savour what entices you for now, only right now. stuff that prevent you from thinking what you really want for your future. if only we knew.. well, what's God's plan..?

wish i'd get knocked down by a car or something and not have to go to school till next year. school sucks. friking lots

2010-08-20T09:06:00.000-07:00

technically, i am in trouble.
if you've done it, i haven't.
chinese SIA, chinese book report x 5, physics sia to be redone, QT
and ze whole weekend should have been bidden farewell to long before today.

stop trying to get on my nerves, without trying, you already are.
your bmi's like 16 and you're complaining you're fat.
yeah, just so everyone'll say 'no come on you're so skinny, you're not fat at all!'
does that help reassure you that you're a little powerpuff girl who likes sugar spice and everything nice?

you're nice but highly annoying so shut up.

2010-08-10T10:43:00.000-07:00

hang on..i'll reply your email in a while..sorry>< just been super busy, when i thought i was super free. sigh...

2010-07-11T02:47:00.000-07:00

I used to think you were a perfect Christian.
Maybe you are, but i don't think so. Or maybe all this, it's all part of your plan to spread the Word. I don't know. But i wish you could stay my inspiration. If you weren't a Christian, you'd be almost perfect in my eyes.

2010-07-03T10:38:00.000-07:00

when will things return to normal?
this life so fast and furious
it just doesn't seem right
we need time to think things through..
not be rash, instead rational.

i don't visit my own blog,
i only post. i'm scared,
scared if i click the 'view blog'.
am i turning into an emo freak?
do people get the way i am this easily?

i am drifting. from God........

2010-06-17T09:41:00.001-07:00

there's sure to come a point in life when you feel so hopeless, depressed, suicidal
it's only the people who understand you or even bother to look into who you really are who make the significant difference needed for you to get up and carry on.

sometimes i wonder if you miss the days i do, for instance, in june 09. it only after then that i began to see sense. the most 3 memorable days of our lives. or was it just mine?

i would tell you in your face, since you don't get any hints, that you're just inconsiderate, that you don't care, that you don't try and instead discourage me whenever I try. This isn't fair. Then you'd tell me the world isn't fair.

Why does it have to be like this? you know, i thought we thought the same wacky weird ideas. those no one else would think of. haven't you realised how important it is to maintain the bond? i try, really. i try so hard. but all you ever do is turn me down. don't you see it kills me to hear you say no? you don't think about what you say, and you really don't care what comes out. how could you even consider giving the solution of we-could-always-meet-after school? i thought you knew i never had a free day after hours. i thought you knew how much i treasure our friendship. i thought you'd feel the same way i do. i thought you'd be understanding. i thought you'd make the slightest effort. i thought you'd sacrifice just a minute of your time to make this work. and i thought you were my friend

2010-06-16T08:18:00.000-07:00

If only there was a shoulder to cry on
someone to wipe my tears
sweep the hair out of my face
give me an assuring hug
and tell me everythings gonna be alright.
That mask I wore everyday
only you could see under it.
Now, you're one of the many who believe the mask
if we could only go back to the old days
yeah if only.

2010-06-16T07:53:00.000-07:00

The best thing about this blog is that no one visits it, or at least visit rate seems like 1 person/month which is a good thing, meaning I can blog freely.
I'm trying. I'm making an effort. I'm attempting.
To make our friendship grow.
but you don't seem to get it.
And it's fading already, so soon. That's why I'm trying so hard.
You call me a despo lil' girl. YES don't you get it. I'm freaking despo to make this last.
cant afford to let this die off.
I thought we understood each other. Apparently not.
Isnt it obvious I'm trying, why cant you, too? Or at least respond.
is it because you don't know, that after this Sunday, it's gonna be so hard
so damn hard for me, ever to see you again.
that equates to an occasional hi
and instead of how close I thought we were
we'd just be accquaintances
no more deep talk, laughs and cries
those days are gone, those I should have treasured.
I miss you already, now the only person who hears me cry is me
where have you gone?

2010-05-12T04:38:00.000-07:00

Stop telling me I'm not a failure cuz that's just dellusional.
I wanna feel better please

2010-03-26T08:06:00.000-07:00

just finished chinese SIA. ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG. i actually finished it???? impossible.
so now this is a treat: using fb, blogger etc. i feel so lightweight.
wait, nooo what is this stupid math quiz doing on my bed! 4/10!?! yuckyuck get it off!!!!! i thought i filed it wth!!!
the best thing is that i'm in math remedial and math olympiad at the same time. that's contradictory, but i don't get it either.
so busy, gtg ):

2010-03-16T09:45:00.000-07:00

PARAMORE SHIRTS! < 333 $23 nett

2010-02-02T01:44:00.000-08:00

i was playing ke$ha on my TTR3 when Mrs Ng walked into the classroom. I didn't realise until the song was almost over. and i looked up to get an UBER big shock. But i recovered from it almost immediately cos mrs ng is this super nice person who doesn't scold cos of that.
then i forgot to do CDWS was damn scared she'd scold so i took krysia's (thankfully it was there) book which had CDWS but up to Question E (and she was going through F :P
but heck better than nothing. i began scribbling down the correct answers. and then mophead came and sat next to me on krys table. the next thing i knew there was this pencil scratching and drawing noise coming krysia's table. i told mophead, sure kana scolding. so being the PIEKIA she is, took a stack of newspapers to cover it
mop head: leave a shock for krishy - evil grins-
me: -evil grins back-
-uncovers newspaper and jaw drops-

i didn't expect that much vandalism! uh then later mrs ng wanted to use the visualiser but it was spoilt. so tingyu told her, balancing her chair on the two front legs, eh the visualiser spoil liao. mrs ng said, i'll fix it. the tingo said, it can't be fixed. and mrs ng said, i'll fix it you wanna bet? and everyones eyes were glued to the scene: mrs ng fiddling with the light on the visualiser. seconds later the visualiser sprang to life! it actually worked! and then mrs ng said, see. and we laughed cheered and clapped :D
most memorable out of this mundane boring tuesday!

2010-01-18T08:31:00.001-08:00

I think I'm getting mood swings.
Thinking about riot has made my day!
but I needs save save save up for paramores concert! Omg right!
perhaps but after-concert stuff! I keep staring at the ticket, and vice versa..it's less than 100 dayyys!!
Zomg I'm spending at an insane speed. I'm broke twice as fast as usual.
Hi Krysia, I think our weds and fris plan is gonna fail, but let's try to at least start!(:
awesome day. We had funn making the egg! repainted it like, 6 times???
Gosh I haven't started exactly on the powerPoint and it's..12.30 forgive me I'll do it tmr! I mean, today!
another gosh: I ate all the Amos cookies on the same day!
Kylee: if you're out there by some chance or sth, let's mourn in agony of having such a loser as tic.
I have a feeling you gotta do individual stuff..):
borders todayyy! and bought Percy pigs. Krysia bought pig TAILS! All in = awesome but tinted by false bowling hopes day.

2010-01-18T08:05:00.000-08:00

Don't know how many times I've restarted, trying to start afresh.
Mistake after mistake. too much of something isn't good you know.
I have limits too. Test them. If you're gonna push even more, I don't think I'm gonna give a damn about what happens even if I don't get a cca point. I obviously attended a hell lot more than 75% last year and you don't wanna give me the point, then what's the point of me going this year? and that we're not good enough? Did you even give us a chance? you think we'd train hard if there's no comp for us to enter? oh, in this busy schedule, who does? you're like a nail waiting to be screwed.
I have a mind to email the principal if a parents letter doesn't work. it better. Or I'm not gonna attend cca at all. And look who's the despo one.

being sec two is a pain.. you're neither upper sec nor sec one. And being in the middle of nowhere, you get treated like a nobody. no matter what, as long as you're older than me, my advice will never ever matter to you. I don't get it. Then why tell me...
I won't say anything related to it.

under stress I respond differently, which is just about every day of this hectic life we all live. Sorry that I'm not being myself. I'm exhausted too. Give me time to reply...i also get stressed playing taptap:/ if you disturb me in the middle of when I'm just about to get a new high score, so when I tell you I'm gonna try to beat my highscore, please don't just reply: 'oh.'

really really tired.